Hunter

So I was wandering around on the hillside with my rifle. What? Yes a gun, of course, but more specifically a rifle. Yes it does matter, it’s a necessary level of detail for the story, which would become obvious if you would shut up and let me tell it. So I was on the hillside with my rifle. I was looking for deer, a specific deer actually. I’d see him up there before about a week earlier but at the time I was shooting pheasants so I had my shotgun. And anyway, I wasn’t nearly close enough to him.

This time I was coming prepared, I had my rifle and a pack. I was in for the long haul, it might take a while to stalk him and get close enough to get a good shot in, and even then I could still miss. The day was going to be long, whether I saw him again or not. Even if I didn’t bag him today I hoped that I’d at least see him again. Now I know that people use words like majestic and beautiful when they talk about seeing a stag in the wild, and to be honest with you I think it’s bollocks most of the time. But this animal is certainly impressive, I wont overstate it any more than that.

As luck would have it I would bump into my old friend the stag again. But luck, well it was bad luck for me. There was a track that ran along the hill, coming around a slight bend. I walk slowly around the bend because I knew that I’d get a good view of the prow of the next hill, the hill where I’d first seen him. They’re territorial, deer. While I didn’t expect him to be standing right there, I felt like once I got to this point it would be the beginning of the stalk. So I was feeling a sense of anticipation as rounded the bend. I didn’t for the life of me expect what happened though.

My eyes shot straight up towards the hilltop and I can tell you that they immediately widened. There he was, right where I’d seen him the last time. But I wasn’t excited. Shocked more likely. The stag was standing on his hind legs, upright like a man. With a rifle balanced on his shoulder and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I hardly had a chance to take in the strangeness of the whole situation before I heard the gunshot ring out. Well, I can tell you that I did not turn around for another look. I ran, and as I was running I could hear shouting behind me “I know what you came up here for”. At first I thought there must be someone else here, but… “think you’re gonna shoot me do you? Ha, reckon I’ll shoot you first”.

I ran and I ran. I didn’t once stop or look back, just kept going until I got to my truck, and when I got there I jumped in and drove off as fast as I could. There’s something about seeing something completely unbelievable that just scares you half to death. I’m sure you don’t believe me now, but I know what I saw. There’s no doubt in my mind at all and I don’t really care what you think at the end of the day. But there’s just one thing I can’t quite figure out. How’d he pull the trigger? No deer I’ve ever seen has fingers.